I AM BEAUTIFUL

There was a time in my life it was difficult for me to accept that I was beautiful. In my heart of heart I knew I was, but I longed to hear people tell me so. People said so sometimes, but I was not satisfied. You know how it is that people don’t care to pamper you all around again because you are no longer a small girl that they would be singing ‘Fine girl’ for every now and then. I remember how I asked my younger sister one evening if I was beautiful, she said yes (I am laughing now at the memory, it wasn’t funny then), but I still had difficulty accepting that truth. Those days I would look into the mirror and rebuke my reflection, ‘Stop looking at me! You’re not even beautiful.’ Oh my God, I cringe at those actions now; I can’t imagine I actually said those mean things to myself.

Not believing that I was beautiful was not enough; it was difficult for me to see beauty in others. A lot of times when I saw another lady for the first time, the thought that would ring in my mind was, ‘She is not fine.’ But it got to a point that the Lord brought my wrong to my face and I realised I had been in error thinking others were not beautiful. I also realised through God’s word that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and that when the Lord made me, He said I was good. So I started confessing positively. I would look into the mirror and consciously reverse all the horrible things I used to say to myself. I would talk about how beautiful I was and also use the word of God. Sometimes I would feel like bursting into tears but I did not give up.

Those days, it was a common phenomenon for mirrors, especially car mirrors and windows, to ‘abuse’ me. It was either my head was too big, too small or my eyes were looking somehow. I didn’t like looking into car mirrors because I was sure I would behold a horrible reflection. It was also difficult for me to accept a picture of myself was nice until days after I initially collected it from the photographer. But when I realised the enemy had been playing with my mind by bringing those self-depreciating thoughts and making them look like mine, I would ensure I looked at the mirror/window of every vehicle I passed by and would tell myself loudly how beautiful I was even if what I saw staring back at me was not encouraging. I would add that the image in the mirror just appeared that way and that it was not a true representation of my face. At the same time, I would allow myself to agree that a new picture was fine even when my mind was screaming no. I also started to consciously think beautiful of everyone I had been seeing as unbeautiful and every new person I met. Sometimes, I would be fighting verbally debunking the lies of the devil about anyone he tried to tell me was not fair to behold. I would tell him that even if the person did not have much good looks, all I know is that she was beautiful, final.

With time I stopped seeing warped images of myself in car mirrors and windows. So who was I seeing before? It was a psychological thing. I was seeing what I was seeing in my mind. Even though my face was beautiful, I couldn’t see the beauty (or wasn’t certain of it) until I worked on my mind and let go of those wicked thoughts. (Yes they are wicked, there is nothing kind about thinking of yourself as not beautiful. Some people ended up committing suicide because of struggles as these). Also, I started seeing beauty in everyone I met. Till today it is difficult for me to assert that someone is not beautiful or handsome. I try to find beauty in everyone and even if I cannot really see good looks in a person I overlook it and still see the person as beautiful. And yes, I am beautiful. I don’t need people to tell me the way I craved for it then. It is enough that I know what God my Father says about that, so if people don’t say so, ba wahala, no problem. The truth is people will not be telling you everyday how beautiful you are, so if you don’t get to a point where you know and are sure that you are beautiful, you will be frustrated because people don’t tell you so everytime. By the way, how many people have you yourself taken time to compliment on their looks?

To you my reader, you are beautiful too. If you are battling with accepting yourself as beautiful/handsome, I recommend the method I used for you, it doesn’t fail. Of course it will take a process of time. Find out from the Bible what God says about you. His words boost confidence more than any inspirational quote can because they are spirit and they are life.

I am not ashamed at all to share about some struggles I once had. I know a lot of people had these struggles and many still find it difficult to see themselves as beautiful.

Cheers!

Ayobami (PreciousAY)